The man who taught me my first words left without saying one

6:04 PM 24 September 2026.

After a long struggle, he held my hand tight. His eyes locked into mine, and they told me, “This is it, son. My time has come.” Tears rolled down his face.

Then came his last breath.

That’s it.

what followed was his last breathe and heart beat that i both heard and felt go silent.

They declared he’s no more while i was frozen holding his hand, looking into his eyes. In the next 4 minutes, i felt his body go cold, the skin around his chest and stomach go extremely dry, then wrinkle, jaw fully out of place and a nail on his left hand half broken.

there’s not a detail i do not remember.

Amidst it all, I involuntarily put my hand on his chest to wake him up, move him and make him talk.

But, what I heard was the loudest silence ever in my life. His heart wasn’t beating anymore.

The man who taught me my first words left without saying one.

He didn’t talk much. But he always spoke up for me.

My teachers had a long list of complaints about me. yet, he never scolded me. He defended me. He never went to a single one of my brother’s parent-teacher meetings. He never missed one of mine.

My brother still complains about it. I take it as proof that I was his favorite.

As a kid, every sunday, i tagged along to the theatre he managed. Since i was his son, everyone treated me like a prince and called me “Chote Saab” ahahaha. I would watch 3-4 shows of a movie & food from the counter would come to me by itself. I would roam the theatre’s premises as i’d like and no one dared say anything - Because I am the Son of V. Rama Kumar.

There is no job title that will give me that privilege, pride and respect. It was earned.

Countless movies a day, the heroes were on the screen, but mine sat beside me.

He had 3-5 mobiles on his table, dealt with celebrities, current CM at times, what not. I grew up watching him work extremely hard, never took off.

A man who came from nothing, gave us everything.

On the way home, he bought me whatever toys i asked him for, over the years, i had accumulated over a 1000 toys and stacks of cards - no fancy rolex watches will give me the same thrill.

thank you for spoiling me dad.

I was a very cranky kid, i never woke up on time for school, he never shouted, never let my mom shout either. he would literally make up a funny name every single day to wake me in the morning, by the time I took bath, he’d iron my clothes.

I never went to school with a wrinkle, thanks nanna.

Of all the pleasures i can have today, i would give up everything to be woken up like that one more time.

Karate, Guitar, basketball, then cricket. Whatever I picked up, he showed up and gave me all the support in this world, in his capacity.

When I started playing cricket professionally, he woke up at 5 every morning to take me to practice and watched me practice for 2 hrs, day after day. Recorded my best moments and never let doubt get the best of me.

By then, his health had stopped him from driving. So he took an auto with me, watched me practice, and took another auto home.

Alone. but happy.

He took pride everytime i was featured in the newspaper. He used to circulate the news in his network and tell everyone who visited our house.

As years passed by, he taught me the cost of being dishonest, the peace in integrity, value of money and many other mental models I carry with me everyday.

He was my internal locus point.

by the time I was 20, a lot of elder people called me “Too wise for someone so young”. A lot of it came from observing my dad endlessly and building my worldview built on top of his shoulders.

He was a very spiritual individual. Made me drive him to countless pooja samagri stores and performed every single god’s ritual with utmost diligence.

Life was good. He was a very happy individual. My brother got married and had his first child. Dad’s first grand-child. Dad, he named her.

He spent good 6 months playing with her, showing her the rain, silly games, watching cartoon, dressing her up.

He absolutely adored her, spent hours everyday talking to her, pampering her.

I would be lying If I said I wasn’t jealous. As I felt his attention being diverted towards my own cutie kid. But hey, its my dad and my love, I am very possessive of him and his attention, i want it all. So I would actually fight with him saying “Who is your favourite child?”

Then, I graduated. Pretty good at what I do, I had done multiple internships too.

I applied to the top universities in the US for a master’s in computer science, while building an AI robotics company with my co-founder.

Got into Carnegie Mellon. Great news. My dream.

But that’s when things started to go downhill. Dad had a severe cardiac arrest and spent almost two months in the ICU. I spent all my days at the hosp while still building my startup.

It got harder by the day. Two things were clear: I could not leave my dad, and I needed to earn.

I made the tough call to wind up my company and progress I had built from scratch with my co-founder.

I care more about my family than anything else, and staying back is a decision I never regretted to date. Never will

I took up a full time job as a AI engineer at Dr. Reddy’s Laboratories. Dad was the proudest he could be. Life was okay, he was getting better, at least we thought so.

few months later, he was back in the ICU for few weeks. This time, our lives had turned, we were told his heart condition is as worse as it can get, kidneys are also failing.

A transplant was off the table. Only option was dialysis. 3-4 times a week.

Suddenly, life went full circle.

My dad who had taught me to walk, was now dependent on me to walk.

While the doctors gave a very bleak picture, i refused to believe them. I refused to give up on my father and fought with anyone who spoke negative.

I told my mom, “He will be fine. He has us.”

Dialysis every other day. Hospital admissions in the middle of the night. The ICU became normal for Dad and me. They took up majority of my life. The other half I was busy not throwing away my career and strive to be the best as my dad would want me to.

I never let him feel his illness had cost me my career.

I still remember some nights where the doctors told me “it is difficult to tell and best to make up your mind”. I told them to take the riskier approach if it comes to it, go aggressive. Signed bunch of papers.

Then I would call my mom and say, “Everything is alright. They are trying a new medicine. He will be home in a few days.”

“I never lost a battle, I always brought dad back home safely, this time won’t be any different”

And I kept my promise every time.

Well. except once.

Through this journey, I was terrified, i broke many times, but I never showed it to anyone. I always put a bold, smiling face and gave strength to my surroundings.

Largely because I saw how much more harder it was for my dad. The person who taught me how to walk was now depending on me to walk.

He taught me how to speak. Now he struggled to say a word.

He needed me. i cannot be weak or low. My mom and brother needed me to be strong as they we anchoring on me, i cannot appear or be weak.

That is when I realized. The man who has been my spine, a pillar all my life, now needed me to be his pillar.

One night at the hospital in a ward, that sight changed me for good.

Couple of years passed by, I kept running this race, took a small break and landed an opportunity to work at a very good company, with amazing, successful people and in the process make a decent living.

Work so good and a decent living i am very grateful for, yet, a void.

None of it gives me as much joy as it did when my dad gave me 10 or 20 indian rupees daily to buy myself snacks like cream biscuits or blue lays packet after school.

the job gave me the freedom to work freely and take better care of my dad. I believe it was destined though. Because the very month I joined the new company, my dad had a major incident and I saw him getting CPR’d brutally 12 times in a row and lost his ability to move. He became bedridden and completely dependent on me and my mom.

Yes, it was more brutal than ever, but so was it for him. He was so heavily dosed, he couldn’t even remember me for 2 days. He asked me to just kill him and end the misery.

Only I know the pain he went through to pass those statements. Doctors told me “he won’t last the night” but he did. I pushed for aggressive treatment one last time - miraculously it worked.

Borrowed time they said. Fine. So be it.

Ever since, I have tried my best to be patient and show up everyday for him.

For good 9 months, he fought, he fought like the champion he was.

But even champions retire from the game eventually.

I stand alone today. I haven’t let the reality sink in yet. I do not want to. Because If I did, I am afraid I will let you go.

I am too afraid i will forget your smile and your kind presence. The way you made me feel, nanna.

You were my safespace. My shield and my ATM.

feels like I have no one left to stop anyone who shouts at me. Especially mom. I love you, dad.

Who am i going to complain to now?

Who will support me now even when I am a rebellious brat?

I am sorry if i have hurt you. ever.

I have so many regrets. More than I can ever express.

I wish i had a little more time with you.

I wish you saw my partner. Chose one for me.

I wish you saw how talented she is. How beautiful her bharatnatyam steps are.

I wish you saw how happy we would be together.

I wish you gave me more time to look after you.

I wish you were here to see me grow.

I wish you were here to see me give back to the society like you taught me to.

I wish you could see me to grow up and be the man you believed in me to be.

Surrounded by 12 people, I can still only think of you. Only think of those last tears rolling off your eyes.

All the eyes looking at me, but mine are closed, as I am trying to recollect how we were together.

All the success I have and will continue to have is deeply rooted from the humility, intent and ethics that my father has strongly nailed into me.

I am none but a strong reflection of his will.

My ambitions will come true. You will be in all my victories.

Mom tells me, you will be born again, etc. I do not believe in such things.

but hey, if god were to write your story again, would I not be a part of it?

I miss you dad.

I can make a fortune but will still miss taking 20 rupees from you.

I am happy to give up anything if that meant i get to sleep beside you one more time.

Thank you dad for riding with me in the car for 3 years.

For being my biggest pillar. For being the only source of my strength and peace.

Forgive me, for I could not get you a coffee, one last time.

I have many regrets, this is one of them. Will remain unfulfilled and a scar for me itch on everyday.

I will see you on the other side, keep a watch.

With love,

your favorite son.